22 / he/they
writer, poet, rocks seller, et cetera
(warning for autoplay)

Eels have a remarkable life cycle. Broadly, it consists of development and early growth in the open ocean: the planktonic (free-floating) dispersal of eggs and larvae, metamorphosis, juvenile and adult growth, and the migration of maturing adults to an oceanic spawning area. Eels share the leptocephalus phase with several other orders (Elopiformes [tarpons and relatives], Saccopharyngiformes [gulpers and relatives], and Albuliformes [bonefishes]). A prolarva, hatching from a relatively large egg (up to 2.5 mm [about 0.1 inch] in diameter), rapidly becomes a leaflike leptocephalus, which floats in the surface layers of the open ocean for as long as two and a half years before metamorphosing.
Although the leptocephali were once thought to have been fishes of a distinct group, their relationship with the Anguilliformes was soon recognized from transitional specimens that showed larval and adult characters. They proved so difficult to identify, however, that new larval types were named as species of the genus Leptocephalus (though they cannot actually be considered different species from the adults that produced them), accounting for the several hundred forms known.
Leptocephali are not uncommon in the upper 500 metres (roughly 1,600 feet) of the ocean, a distribution that may be associated with the availability of food (diatoms and minute crustaceans). Their predators include various pelagic fishes. In tropical eels, larval life is possibly four to six months, but temperate species may spend upward of a year as larvae. During this time leptocephali, in the presence of suitable currents, may disperse widely from the adult spawning area. Working on massive collections of larvae from 1905 to 1930, a Danish biologist, Johannes Schmidt, established the early life history of the European and American freshwater eels. Although parts of his work have been questioned, his description of a western Atlantic spawning and a trans-Atlantic dispersal of leptocephali of these eels still stands.

After reaching full growth, the larva begins a rapid metamorphosis in which the body undergoes several progressive changes. The body becomes cylindrical and greatly reduced in bulk, perhaps by as much as 90 percent by weight, and the anal vent advances from its subterminal position to about the midpoint. The larval teeth are lost, the snout becomes rounded, the dorsal fin originates farther forward, and the larval melanophores (black pigment cells) disappear. Other changes, such as the loss of the pectoral fins or a reduction of body length, may also occur.

Leptocephali are markedly unlike their adults, and the metamorphic changes are so great that a fundamental problem arises in the correlation of the great variety of known leptocephali with their adults. Metamorphosis has been observed in aquariums and deduced in the oceans from progressive growth series in plankton samples. Certain characters survive metamorphosis and are important in the recognition of eel species. These include the number of muscle segments (myomeres); the development of dorsal, anal, and caudal fin rays; and the relative positions of the renal vessels and the gallbladder. In many leptocephali the larval melanophores also remain in the juvenile (or elver) stage.

Metamorphosis involves physiological and behavioral as well as structural changes, particularly those related to the assumption of a deep-sea, shallow-water, or freshwater mode of life. Metamorphosis is the mechanism by which the leptocephalus, after a period of growing, feeding, and competing with other similarly organized planktonic animals, can enter a markedly different habitat where body shape, differentiated feeding mechanisms, sense organs, and body coloration play an important role in survival. Metamorphosis in all eels is probably completed in the open ocean. The annual invasion of fresh waters by Anguilla elvers is a locally well-known process; it occurs during October–March in Europe and in spring in other temperate regions.

During several years’ growth to maturity, eels are essentially carnivores, feeding diversely on planktonic or benthic (bottom-living) animals. Maturity is reached after about 10 years in the European freshwater eel, at which point they might gaze at themselves in mirrors. The process of growth and maturation has been most closely studied in the European freshwater eel. In this species, both sexes pass through successive phases of neutrality, precocious feminization, and juvenile hermaphroditism prior to becoming definitively male or female, the sex being determined mainly by environmental factors.

(source text)

I find
talking to othe

rs hard. I find myself trapped w
ithin myself, dr
over my ow
n sense of spe
ech. Words fail
me, my own i
deas fail me. I
t seems
that other
s can move forward quickly, expressing their thoughts with relative simplici
ty, but all I can do is formulate the birdsong in my throat, e
ars, mind, heart best to emulate the sound of spee
Real conversation is messy, falling over itself relentlessly. When I write I can look at what I've thought, hone it, refine it, make it s
omething more than what I am without that resource. The tangibility of language as writing leads me to desire my own speech be eloquent as possible. When this falters, when words are forgotten a
nd I stumble over simple se
I feel pain.
I guess its not meant to be beautiful, but
I wish it all
I wish it allwere
I wish it all

were I
wish itall were.

I have a huge fear of violence. I overuse the notion of fear often to communicate avoidance, but in this case it is genuine fear.
I cannot imagine myself fighting anything, anyone. No matter how much I need to defend myself. I don't think I could fight back, just run. Just run and pull away and get out of the situation as fast as possible.
I don't know if this comes from kindness or if it comes from cowardice. Perhaps it is a mixture of the two.
If my words fail me then I am not strong enough in the first place.

I find it impossibly hard to write about myself, so this whole notion of having a page to just talk about myself is genuinely alien to me.
What do people talk about when they talk about themselves? I'm trying my best to say things that are interesting. Does it come off as self-obsessed? I hope it doesn't.
I'm startled and over-concerned with the concept of voyeurism as it exists in art. That the more intimate the things you create are, the more people want to view them. For a while, this thought froze me entirely from writing altogether as I had a fear of becoming a spectacle. I didn't want to get up on a stage and dance about for the pleasure of invisible viewers.
I don't know how I've gotten past that point. I suppose I haven't. Instead, I try to imagine each and every face who will read my work. I try to imagine how they will react, how they will feel. If you are pressing your ear up to the dark oak door of my soul, I want my soul to be pressing its own ear right back to listen to you.

When I love I can't stop myself from giving. I give and submit myself to the person I'm with. I can't help it.
I want to be loved, but I don't want to be loved and feel selfish. So I must give in return.
In imperfect relationships, I think I am my own downfall. I just give and give and give and give and never even expect anything in return. I give until I cannot give anymore.
But I'm learning better now, I'm learning to respect myself more. To expect love in return.
When you show me kindness I am grateful for you. Thank you for caring for me.

Thank You To Hands

please remember to breathe.

please take a moment and just breathe.

breathe in from the stomach for three seconds, filling the lungs and soul. hold it inside for three seconds.
exhale slowly for three seconds.
do this twice.

now carry on.

nothing communicates a heartbeat better than drums

can you look at mirrors in the dark, or does it scare you?
do your eyes see different colors?
do things float in front of your eyes?
is everything blurry when you wake up?
do you have to squint to see?
are you torturing your sight with screens constantly in your face?
is blindness a gift or a curse?

i love haibane renmei a lot. im not trying to advertise it here, i dont want to express it in a capitalist manner. im not saying you should watch it, im just saying that i hold a lot of appreciation for it and think its an intimate and intelligent piece of art.

the thing that i appreciate most about it, beyond its messages that one can always be redeemed and that trusting in and forgiving one another is incredibly hard but also incredibly necessary for our growth, is the way it expresses the world that the story takes place within. there are strange occurrences in the world, but none of them are ever necessarily explained. they just Are.

its saying that, sure, there are mysteries in the world. but they dont all have to be explained. sometimes, things are best left in a world of enchantment.

i love how densely natural the world is. big forests, cobblestone streets. windmills covered in vines.
technology is present but it does not overwhelm the peoples lives. im envious of that.

i also very much appreciate the character of rakka. i love her growth as she learns to forgive herself and be grateful for and recognize all the people in her life who have helped her and cared for her. i love how she interacts with the world she finds herself in.

i also love the way she's designed, much like how i love all of yoshitoshi ABe's designs. he creates characters who are real, not excessive. rakka is simple, but not boring or forgettable. she is real.


i love my girlfriend nica shes really sweet and really nice and when i look at her i feel my heart beat fast and i smile
i want to give her nice things and do nice things for her and treat her nicely. i want to make her smile and make her glow.
i want to help her be the greatest she possibly can be.
she is so funny and sweet and smart.

i'm very fortunate that she loves me too <3

soon we are going on a trip to massachusetts. maybe by the time you read this we will be there. maybe the summer is over by the time youve seen this. but in this moment, there is a week before we leave to go to massachusetts. we're going to be working on a fruits and vegetables farm. we will be tired at the end of the day, but more than that we will be content and happy. i'm looking forward to it.

i think about saint sebastian a lot, and its not because im in any way christian. its because i'm relatively homo sexual and think men r sexy.
i love the way that he became the gay icon of christianity due to how intensely homoerotic the subtext of his martyrdom is. being tied up, stripped down to a loincloth, and arrows piercing into him. If You Know What I Mean.

and i think its incredibly funny how artists collectively all decided that paintings of saint sebastian would become immensely homoerotic. some art of his martyrdom doesnt even include the arrows. its just him tied up and sensually jutting out his hips or something.
these artists are incredible, how did they get away with it????

absolutely phenomenal. and the church was just like "yeah this is okay and heterosexual. nothing strange going on here. just love of god." or whatever.

i mean, they HAD to have known. its obvious.
well, christianity in general has an intense boner for suffering and martyrdom. they probably just rolled with it.
regardless, the eternal twinkification of saint sebastian is legendary. god bless him.

^ i think if nicolas guy-brenet painted him naked here, he would look less naked than he does with that piece of cloth just Conveniently draped upon his crotch.

you have reached a breathing point in the nahverse extended universe adventure. this used to be the end, but now... oh, now it is only the beginning. you may return home from here, or you may carry on on your journey deeper into the center of the Nah.

but first, come, sit by the pond with me for a bit. before you go on your way, listen to the frogs.

Freshwater Eels are the only catadromous fishes in North America. “Catadromous” means that they spawn in salt water and live as adults in fresh water. Anadromous fishes, like Salmon and American Shad, spawn in fresh water but live as adults in the ocean. On this continent, Eels are represented by a single species, the American Eel (Anguilla rostrata). Although the Eel looks snakelike, it is a fish.

The American Eel is found widely along the Atlantic and Gulf coasts, where the young Eels move far upstream into small tributaries. The Delaware River in Pennsylvania has the most abundant population of Eels of all the state’s streams, because there are no dam obstructions to prevent the Eel’s upriver migration. Eels are rarely found in the Susquehanna River system. Passageways and lifts to move fish past all the Susquehanna’s dams should soon return Eels, Shad and other ocean-migrating fish to that watershed. Eels are also occasionally seen in the Potomac River watershed. They have even been reported from some headwater sections of the Ohio River watershed in Pennsylvania. While in fresh water, Eels live in a variety of stream habitats, especially where they can hide under logs, rocks and undercut banks.

Until the early 1900s, Eels supported an intense commercial fishery in the Susquehanna and Delaware River systems. Adult Eels on their downstream migration toward the sea were trapped by low, in-river V-shaped wing dams, which were barricades made of rocks. The Eels entered these Eel racks from the wide upstream side and swam through the small funnel opening downstream, into holding baskets. The remains of old “Eel weirs” can still be seen in some Delaware and Susquehanna River watershed streams. Even in a “poor” Eel year, the take was staggering: In 1912, called an “off year,” 50,000 Eels weighing more than 44,000 pounds were caught in Pennsylvania. Today, Eels are caught mostly by anglers looking for food and sport (Eels are good eating, especially smoked), they are also caught for love of viewing the majestic form of the eel.

The genus name “Anguilla” is Latin for “Eel.” The species name “rostrata” means “long nose.”

if youve gotten this far into my nah verse that means youre vaguely interested in me & what i have to say and what i have to think. and if you are all of those things, then you should check out my rate the music dot com page, where i am writing some nice reviews for some really nice albums that i love :) check them out, interact w me about them, i would love input or you telling me that the album you checked out becasue of me was good :)

    A Collection Of Items

    1. a rotting leaf

    2. a marble (green)

    3. a marble (grey)

    4. a marble (blue, with a chip in it)

    5. a key(from a house)

    6. a key (from a piano)

    7. a wine glass, empty, with a dark red stain in the bottom

    8. a pinecone

    9. a couch left out in the rain

    10. valentines day cards written and unsent

    11. a moldy slice of whole wheat bread

    12. a pile of white string, the ends tied together to form a large loop when held up

    13. a ream of printer paper

    14. a box of assorted legos, all made before the 21st century

    15. an unlabeled black vinyl record

    16. a hollowed out copy of haruki murakami's book the wind-up bird chronicle, holding within it a rosary with a crimson stone, a matchbook with three matches inside, the smallest doll of a matryoshka and several small human teeth

    17. an amethyst cathedral 12 inches in height and 7 inches in width

    18. a cube of unidentified meat

    19. a labeled black vinyl record: sides g & h of natural snow buildings' album the daughter of darkness.

    20. several eggshells

    21. a purple beanie baby teddy bear with one arm missing. the bear is sewn back together with floss.

    22. an oak stick perfect for being a divining rod

    23. a continuation of that which came before

    delicious chicken madras recipe :)

    not here yet, sorry. i am working a little bit at a time...

    Max Ernst
    Two Sisters (Deux soeurs), 1926
    Oil on canvas
    39 3/8 × 28 ¾ in. (100 × 73 cm)